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Is self-sabotage destroying your happiness and fulfilment?

Do you ever feel like something always gets in your way of experiencing real fulfilment, success and/or happiness, or you doing something you really want to do?

When you look back at your life do you have some “what if’s”, or things that you really regret doing, or not doing and every time you think about it you wish you could press the rewind button, and edit that bit?

Do you feel as if there is a limit to your ability to reach your goals, and something always gets in the way of you reaching them? For example, You have tried to lose weight a number of times, only to get down to a certain point, and then bam something happens and you put it all back on again.

Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions, I have some good news, and some bad news for you! The bad news is, that it is YOU that is to blame for you not succeeding or experiencing real fulfilment and happiness and achieving your goals in your life/ relationships. Yes, that is right, it was YOU who created the debt that meant you could not go on that trip of a lifetime or buy the house of your dreams. It was YOU that created your life becoming so busy, that you did not have time to prepare healthy meals or get to the gym anymore, and you put on weight again. It was YOU that attracted that douche bag who cheated on you, and left you for someone else, after you sacrificed that job of a lifetime to be with him/ her! Yes, I am sorry to have to say it, but it was ALL YOU!!!

Now I know, that was all a little bit hard to swallow. Especially the one “where that douche bag cheated on you, and treated you like S#^t after you sacrificed the job of your dreams for him”, right?!

However, I do have some good news. The good news is IT WAS ALL YOU, SO THAT MEANS YOU CAN CHANGE THE WAY IT GOES NEXT TIME!! Yes, notice I said, “NEXT TIME”? Right now you are saying there will NOT be a next time, right? Well I guarantee you, that if you are still blaming something, or someone outside of you for your unhappiness, failures, misfortunes, and YOU cannot or will not see that it is YOU that is creating everything in your life, including all of your misfortunes, and sabotaging your own happiness and success. Then trust me, something else similar will happen. Until you acknowledge your own demons?! Yes that’s right, we all have them, “our very own self – sabotaging demons”! These “demons” belong, and are unique to YOU! It is these demons that takeover sometimes, and before you know it YOU are sabotaging yourself by creating excuses, reasons, blocks, distractions, problems, circumstances in the way of you having what your truly want in life!

Why would I do that you might be asking? Why would I sabotage my own happiness, success, and fulfilment? This would be absolutely insane and counter-intuitive. Your right, it is counter- intuitive and would be absolutely insane if you knowingly did this. That is the problem, you see, these self destructive behaviours, beliefs and thoughts are often unconscious and out of your control. It is as if something takes over, and you can’t help it, and often you will consciously justify, and give excuses why you reacted this way. Because you don’t realise you are even doing it at the time. You will often look back and think “why did I do, or say that?”. It is like lining yourself up, to punch yourself in the face (metaphorically speaking).  It is very painful repeating these patterns and damaging to the soul. It is also painful for loved ones to watch this process.

These self- sabotage patterns often comes from fear, self worth issues, or not valuing ourselves enough. They are patterns which often start from our early years.

Here are some of the unconscious reasons you self sabotage:

20 possible reasons why you self- sabotage

1. Perfectionism- having to get it right and get it perfect, and knowing how it will turn out before you do it. This is associated with “fear of failure” and “not being good enough”. This often leads us to procrastinate and/ or not do anything at all.
2. To Stay Comfortable- our brain is capable of many things but “getting out of your comfort zone” is not something the brain really wants to do as that involves changing and expanding, and experiencing “growing pains”. Our mind creates “excuses” and tries to talk us out of anything that is uncomfortable, so it isn’t stressed/ stretched to grow. The brain is smart but also lazy and stubborn and doesn’t want to do anything, it doesn’t have to do. It is happy keeping us in “survival mode”. As the saying goes “NO PAIN, NO GAIN”!
3. Self doubt- you are proving that you cannot trust yourself, you are not good enough because you lack self-esteem and don’t actually believe you can do it!
4. Lack of Self Worth- you don’t value yourself and you have a belief that you are unworthy of happiness, success and fulfilment and love.
5. Addiction- you are addicted to a behaviour and/ or something or someone, and how that makes you feel. For example, emotional eating, alcohol, drugs, sex, cigarettes, attention. Addictions are a form of distracting yourself from changing, healing or avoiding dealing with painful issues so we can move forward- Sometimes, metaphorically speaking, “we would rather put on the Band-Aid, so we don’t have to see, and be reminded how we got the scar”.
6. Distraction- you keep yourself busy with other areas of your life. You create and allow things, or people to come and distract you, so you have a reason not to focus on what’s important to you. This can involve sabotaging and not making time for good relationships with people who will keep us accountable e.g. your life coach, good friendships. It can also come in the form of bad behaviour/ habits/ addictions.
7. You make it harder then it actually is for yourself- by resisting, overthinking, creating problems or blocks and giving up as a result by saying “it wasn’t meant to be” and putting it into the “too hard basket”, which is just a total excuse and a cop out for not realising your dreams by the way! “Where there is a will there is a way”.
8. To avoid being true and honest with yourself – You are in denial and avoiding getting real, with yourself about who you want to be, and what your really want, compared to who you are being, and what you have right now. You pretend to be happy when you are not to avoid the consequences you associate with changing. For example, to avoid ending a long-term relationship that is no longer fulfilling you.
9. Fear of judgement- you are worried about people judging you or your actions or choices, so you don’t want to, and you avoid putting yourself in the limelight.
10. You don’t like feeling out of control- You would rather deal with who and what you know versus someone or something you have no idea how to be with cause you have never experienced these feelings before. A mentality of “better the devil you do know, then the one you don’t”.
11. Fear of success- you are afraid of actually succeeding and the responsibility that goes with who you would have to become if you did. In other words, never being able to go back to what you know, or not having to search anymore.
12. You are a drama queen- you like to be able to complain, talk about and be recognised for all the misfortunes and challenges you have had to overcome. You want to stay stuck so you have something to complain about.
13. You are trying to punish someone else- you want someone else to feel guilty for YOU not being able to succeed e.g. parents, ex lover.
14. Fear of rejection or losing people in your life – you are afraid of leaving others behind, or them leaving you as a result of your choices or if you let them close to you. So you may pretend to be someone you are not to seek other people’s approval, and/or you may come across overly clingy or distance yourself to avoid being rejected or abandoned.
15. You have an “I can’t have it all” mentality – You don’t feel you deserve more then you already have.
16. To good to be TRUE syndrome – you believe life is going too well so something is bound to happen to ruin it. SO you sabotage and create problems where there were none!
17. People pleasing- putting everyone else’s happiness before your own. You don’t make yourself and your goals a priority, and let everyone else’s become the priority, and never find time to spend time on your own goals!
18. Fear of losing your freedom, or rebellion against authority- this often leads us to fail to plan or be organised, and avoid accountability. Leaving things till the last minute, sets us up for stress and anxiety and a feeling of pressure which is what your were resisting in the first place. As they say, “Failing to plan, is planning to fail”!
19. Not trusting ourselves – this often leads to making spontaneous, un-informed choices, which leads us to failure and then not feeling we can trust ourselves to make good decisions. Ultimately proving to ourselves, and others that we cannot be trusted.
20. Victim mentality – you avoid taking responsibility for your own goals, happiness and success, and place blame on others for your failure. This often involves getting opinions, help or advice from lots of other people, who don’t necessarily have any expertise in the area. Relying on your partner to make all the decisions. This sets us up for poor choices, and failure, which we can blame on others, so we don’t have to EVER take responsibility for our own choices, life and happiness.

 Moving forward from self-sabotage to the life you desire

There are many reasons why you self- sabotage. I have just outlined a few of the most common. These self- destructive thoughts, beliefs and behaviours often are a result of unconscious learning and decisions you have made about yourself when you were faced with particular experiences/ circumstances in your life, usually in your early years, that you may or may not recall. These self destructing patterns are what prevent you from moving forward, and if you fail to identify them, and bring them to your awareness, and they remain unconscious, they will continue to wreak havoc in your lives!

The pathway to success, healing and changing these patterns so you can move forward in your own desired direction, starts with being able to identify your own self -sabotage patterns. Sometimes you may need help to see it, and heal it so you can move forward. Like anything in life, to make real, lasting  and profound change, you have to be prepared to do what it takes, and get the help and professional support you need.

However, like anything in life this will only happen if YOU are motivated to change. You are motivated by one of two things; pain or inspiration. It is your choice! Unfortunately, most people don’t have low pain thresholds before they are motivated to change. The majority of people choose suffering, over being ALIVE and CONSCIOUS and having the ability to choose and create a life they will LOVE! The question is ARE YOU READY TO WAKE UP AND START TRULY LIVING?! Are YOU ready to TRULY INVEST IN YOURSELF and COMMIT TO YOUR OWN GROWTH and  draw a line in the sand, and say “enough is enough, I deserve more”. I know you are capable of creating change the question is are YOU going to get out of YOUR own way enough to see it, and most importantly commit to the most important relationship of all, THE ONE WITH YOURSELF?!

IF you want something different, you need to choose to do something different!

As an intuitive life coach, I have the ability to not only see your self- sabotage patterns and help bring these to your awareness but also the ability and the experience to help you heal, and create real, and lasting change in your life, and move forward to that which you desire. IF YOU ARE READY to stop suffering and have the life you truly deserve, and desire, CALL ME TODAY on 0414 865 390 AND BOOK IN A READING TO UNCOVER YOUR SELF- SABOTAGE PATTERNS IN LOVE/ LIFE PURPOSE/ HEALTH!

I hope that after reading this blog you have been able to identify some of your own self -sabotage patterns and that you start making some different choices!

May you start creating and truly living the life you desire and deserve.

With love, inspiration and healing,

Kylie xx